14 Feb Suddenly Single on Valentine’s Day
It’s Valentine’s Day – have you carefully planned a surprise for your loved one? Or does it pass you by unnoticed as nothing more than a marketer’s dream? Maybe you are dreading being single on the 14th February again and are struggling to cope with the red hearts and the romance everywhere you look? Or are you worried that making too much of a fuss on this special day will give your partner false hopes and are considering bailing out of your relationship before you get there?
Valentine’s Day can be a very different experience for everyone depending on your situation. For some it can be the icing on the cake and a chance to break out from the daily routine and make time to say “I love you”. However there is always the other side of the coin. It can put unnecessary pressure on relationships and in some cases force couples to make decisions about their future together.
It can seem very harsh to be dumped just before Valentine’s Day, but it happens all the time. It happened to me two years ago too. I was aware there were some issues in my relationship but I really didn’t want to face them and was quite happy to carry on with my head in the sand. I was hoping that a lovely dinner out and a card would paint over any cracks. With hindsight this was silly of me. There is no point staying in a relationship, however much you may love someone, if they don’t love you the same way back. It’s not healthy in the long run and it will never make you truly happy. So he did me a favour when he let me go… although that was far from how I saw it at the time!
Often the pressure of having to make an effort on Valentine’s Day and to be out with all the happy loving couples can push a relationship to breaking point. It can seem harsh to end it all before this supposedly “romantic” day but it is actually a lot more honest to face your feelings and make the decision to walk away rather than go through with the pretence of it all.
If you do find yourself suddenly single on Valentine’s Day and it wasn’t your choice (and sometimes even if it was) it can be very hard to cope when everyone else in the world seems to be still in loving relationships. However there are some things you can do to help you deal with the heart ache:
- Have a good cry: Many of us bottle up our emotions and suppress how we feel all of the time. Crying is part of the healing process and an effective way to release negative feelings so allow yourself some time to grieve the end of your relationship.
- Get some support: Surround yourself with positive people that make you feel good. If you think you need some professional help from a coach or your GP then don’t be afraid to ask.
- Take off your rose tinted glasses: Focus on the parts of your relationship that you didn’t like and that annoyed you or made your sad. You will always find some if you look hard enough.
- Plan something to do on Valentine’s Day evening. Throw a singles party or go out with a bunch of single friends for the night. If you really can’t face being sociable then plan to spend a night relaxing at home, sometime a glass of wine and a bubble bath can be just the answer.
- Write a bucket list of all the things you can now do that you never could have done in your last relationship. You will be surprised at how this keeps you moving forward even when at times it seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Schedule some in your diary now so you have some exciting goals to work towards.
The important thing to remember is that a relationship that ends was never meant to be forever. There will always be hurt and upset when it comes to an end and there will be things you miss and wish you still had. However sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together.
You don’t know what is around the corner and you now have a chance to go and find someone who will love you and stay with you. In the meantime remember that you only live once and there is lots of fun you can have while you are single!