Amelia’s Story
About This Project
When I first met Amelia she was extremely emotional and struggling to keep herself together. Her husband had left her with no warning and she was left in the marital home with her two sons, 1 year old and 3 years old. Whilst financially she had no worries she was finding it hard to cope at home and was worried about the impact on her children.
She was dealing with a whole range of emotions which would rock the strongest of people, as well as finding herself left a single parent. She was in total shock and stunned by the betrayal and deceit from someone she had trusted implicitly. Her confidence and self-esteem were at an all-time low and she kept breaking down in tears.
In her mind she was constantly asking herself questions such as “What is wrong with me?”, “Why didn’t I see this coming?”, “What did I do wrong” “Why doesn’t he love me anymore?”.
It’s very common in the initial stages of separation to search for answers to questions in the hope of rationalising what has just happened. The trick is to take control of the questions being asked and reframe them in a more positive way. If you keep asking yourself a negative question you will get a negative answer. If you feed your brain with more positive questions it will help you to move through the pain and navigate a path to future happiness.
We listed some more empowering questions such as:
- “What can I do right now to help myself feel a bit better?”
- “Who can I surround myself with that will make me feel more supported?”
After a few days Amelia was able to catch herself in the moment and use the new questions, which in turn gave her more empowering answers.
One main outcome from this was she decided to create a good Divorce Support Team around her who she could call on for help as and when she needed it. Just knowing that they were there made her feel better and less isolated. The team included:
- Positive family and friends who were happy to be there when she needed them
- A financial advisor who reassured her with a solid plan for her future
- A personal trainer who had her out of the house and exercising twice a week.
- An acupuncturist as Amelia was a big believer in alternative therapy
A good support team is vital especially in the early days of separation when everything seems confusing and new.
Amelia found it hard being in the marital home as there were memories everywhere she looked. I have a few tips on helping this so she put them into action and was amazed at how little changes had such a big impact on how she felt.
By focusing on rebuilding herself first Amelia found it easier to be stronger around the kids. She still had her moments but was able control her emotions and use her alone time to deal with them. The result was she more confident and prepared and was able to be a lot happier around her kids.
The start of the Divorce Journey can be extremely overwhelming and so it is best to focus on small steps every day rather than the huge tasks that are ahead. Being proactive and taking small manageable steps is key in taking control back of your life and not allowing yourself to be battered by your emotions. By chunking everything into simple and easy actions clients are amazed at how quickly they can move forward.