“My ex rarely sees the kids. I keep chasing but nothing I do seems to make a difference. What can I do?”

“My ex rarely sees the kids. I keep chasing but nothing I do seems to make a difference. What can I do?”

You need to take control back of your life. You will never be able to control what your ex does. You have to let go and stop worrying about the things you cannot change as it will drive you mad and create stress for you and your kids.

You can only control the environment you have at home. So make sure you give your children consistency and reliability at home. Give them a routine with you so they have it in their lives. That way even if your ex is unreliable it limits any negative affect on the children. They have a routine with you and that is what they need.

Let your ex know they can see the kids if they would like to arrange it. Put it in writing, a friendly email with no hidden agenda. Say that you are happy for them to see the children but you will wait for them to contact you to arrange. Then let it go and move on with your life. If and when they contact you then you can arrange contact but you cannot keep chasing and creating stress for yourself.

If you have another strong role model of the same gender as your ex in your life such a brother, Dad, Mum or sister then it can help if your children can see them on a regular basis. If not don’t worry. Your love will be enough. You need to focus on your life with your kids and giving them all the good values that they need.

If your ex decides to see them every now and again that is good that they get a chance to know their other parent. Again you cannot control what happens when they are staying with them so there is no point worrying about it. I know this is very hard to do but if you keep yourself busy and plan things to do while they are away this will help. Try to do things in that time that will take you closer to your goals for 2014 as this will give you a great sense of achievement while they are away and you will feel you are using the time well.

Get back in the driving seat of your own life, stop worrying about the things you cannot control and do the best you can with the resources you have.

jai jai
jai@jaijo.com