06 Sep The darkest hour comes before the dawn
With any relationship break up there is heart ache and pain. Some splits are more manageable than others and some people cope better than others but even then there will be dark times.
We all deal with these tough times differently. Crying, sobbing, feelings of panic or overwhelming loneliness. But one thing is true, these times do pass. It seems impossible but it’s true. The darkest hour does come right before the dawn.
Just when it seems you can’t sink any lower and you couldn’t be sadder or more at loss of what to do, something will change. Life will start to move in a better direction. It may be little signs at first that you are on the right path, so look out for them carefully. It might be a surprise phone call from someone that you haven’t heard from in a long time or even a chance to do something that you would never had the chance to do before. It could just be that you notice something that makes you smile. Keep your eyes open for these signs however little they may be. They mark the fact that you are healing slowly and you will be feeling better sooner than you think.
“Everything happens for a reason and serves a purpose”
This has helped me keep my belief that things will get better, even at the darkest of times. It has helped to get me through my toughest and darkest of times.
Grieving is healing:
Grieving for the loss of your relationship is part of your healing process. You have to go through it to come out the other side. It helps you move forward in a healthy way. It’s good to acknowledge the emotions you are feeling and let them flow. Facing them head on diminishes your fear of them and increases your ability to deal with them. Once you have acknowledged the different emotions you are experiencing you will find it easier to move forward and not be held back by them.
Face your emotions:
Have you ever been scared to go on a fast ride at a theme park? Then as soon as you have mustered the courage to actually do it you realised that it wasn’t as bad as you feared? You may even have gone back and done it again?!
Well facing your emotions and fears head on works just like that. Once you have done it, however scary it is, it does take the edge off and make it less frightening. There is always going to be heart ache and pain when a relationship ends, sadly that is how we mark the end and move on to pastures new. However there are ways to help make the healing journey easier and faster. Facing your emotions is one of these ways.
How to face your emotions:
I have developed a 5 step process to help you face your emotions and help speed up your healing.
Step 1: Find a quiet space where you have privacy and will not be interrupted. Having a box of tissues to hand will be useful
Step 2: Sit comfortably and allow your mind to focus on the fears you have about your situation. It’s part of the healing process to cry and let your emotions surface
Step 3: As each emotion comes up identify as best you can what emotion it is (anger, loneliness, sadness, resentment, jealousy, betrayal, loss)
Step 4: Embrace each emotion as it comes up by allowing yourself to experience the emotion fully and not push it away. You will find that as you welcome the emotion it will intensify and then suddenly dissipate and lessen as you face it head on
Step 5: Move on to discover your next emotion and repeat the same step of embracing it
Repeat this process for up to 20 minutes and then take a break until tomorrow. You will feel stronger and brighter afterwards although it can be an emotionally tiring process.
Coping with grief
Many people cope with their grief by suppressing it and pushing it down. They try not to think about any of the things that are making them unhappy. This only makes things worse. It means that even though you may move on, you have not dealt with any of the negative emotions. They are still there inside you and will not allow you to move on freely. It is common to find people who suppress negative feelings often turn to drinking or just get extremely busy so they don’t ever have time to feel or heal themselves. Neither of these are solutions, they just prolong the pain and it will keep resurfacing when the hangover kicks in or it’s time to sleep. It can keep resurfacing for many years to come too.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to keep busy and many people have jobs or children to keep them occupied and don’t have time to focus much time on their emotional pain. Don’t worry. My Face Your Fears Process only takes up to 20 minutes and you can find time to squeeze it into a busy day. It will help speed up the healing with as little as 20mins a day spent on it.
Facing your fears head on means that you can release your negative emotions and start moving forward with a clean slate. It’s natural to feel emotional twinge even months on and when you have done everything you can to heal yourself. However take great pride in being able to cope with an extremely difficult and challenging situation in a healthy and healing way.
So don’t worry when the darkest times are here the brighter ones are just around the corner.