“How do I cope with my ex being constantly difficult, menacing and selfish?”

“How do I cope with my ex being constantly difficult, menacing and selfish?”

Sadly this is one question I hear a lot. Sometimes a divorce doesn’t mean you are rid of your ex from your life as you would like. This is especially true if you have children together.

Obviously it is in the children’s best interests if you can be amicable and get along to limit any tension for the kids.

A client of mine, who I shall refer to as Jules, divorced her husband after 3 years of marriage. It was an acrimonious split as he had an affair and left her and her two children for the new partner.

I worked with Jules for over a year to redesign her new life and to cope with the rollercoaster of emotions. However a lot of our time together was spent understanding how she could best deal with the barrage of abuse, access changes and anger from her ex.

It was surprising as it was him who had left the marriage to start a family with someone else, however it was him who just could not let go of her and needed to attempt to have some control over her still.

The happier Jules felt in her own life the easier it was to cope. By using some of the techniques I teach she learnt with practice how to focus on doing the best for her children and to let the rest wash over her. She realised it was not her issue and that she couldn’t live her life letting her ex’s sadness and anger affect her.

She is a fabulous mother for her two well-balanced happy girls and it’s a great credit to her that they love her and their father.

#bullying #putyourkidsfirst #divorce

Sara Davison
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