17 Nov “How do I cope when my children are with my ex?”
One of the hardest things to cope with in Divorce is how to cope when your kids are with your ex. I have clients who find it really hard when they have to hand over the children and are lost without them. So this blog is for you.
10 ways to cope when your children are with your ex:
1. Shift your focus away from your children and start focusing on YOU. If you are constantly thinking about your kids and worrying you will never be able to move on. Unfortunately this is a situation you will probably have to get used to. I’m not saying it’s easy, but I am saying it does get easier. You have to change your focus and occupy your mind so that you can at least make the most of the time apart that you now have. With time you will even begin to enjoy these times.
2. Keep busy. To help you do this plan in advance things to do when you are on your own. You may have chores to do and this can be a good time to get them done, however you do need to plan in some fun things too. Think of some things you can do that you can’t when the kids are around and use this free time to have some quality YOU time. It may be a shopping trip, a yoga class, meeting a friend for lunch or a night out on the town. Whatever you plan make sure it’s something you will enjoy and look forward too.
3. If your ex has a new partner this can complicate how you feel about the kids being away. This is very normal as it stirs up a whole range of emotions. As long as you know your kids will be safe then you have to stop worrying about the things you cannot control. The way to do this is not to focus on it. You have to let go of the thoughts you are having by replacing them with more positive ones. Coaching will help you with this but this is also where exercise or a change of routine will become very helpful.
4. Read an empowering self help book that will give you the skills to help you heal. Try “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” by Louise Hay or “Unleash the Power Within” by Tony Robbins. There are some inspiring true stories out there too about surviving bad relationships and divorce such as “I’m Still Standing” by Mel Carnegie. These books will help you to move forward with your life.
5. Look after your health. If your body is healthy it will help you to keep a strong mind and give you inner strength to get through your Divorce Journey. Any kind of exercise will help from a brisk walk round the block, roller blading in your nearest park or an aerobics class. Get your body moving and it will give you a real emotional lift.
6. If your kids are away for a longer period of time then maybe take a trip and get out of the house. It’s good for you to break your normal routine and do something different. Go and visit a good friend you have been meaning to catch up with, get a last minute flight, do a boot camp week or a spa break.
7. Learn a new skill. If you have always wanted to learn how to do something but never had the time – this is your perfect opportunity. It could give you new career options too if you choose a course where you learn a skill you can then develop into a money making opportunity. Follow your passion and choose something you really enjoy. I know people who have used this time wisely and are now living off their new income stream. Examples of course are massage, jewellery making and football coaching.
8. If you are single and feel ready, then start dating again. First work out what you would like your ideal partner to be like. The more specific you can be the better. (If you would like some help then I have a coaching session designed to do just this). Once you know what you are looking for it will make it easier to find! Online dating is very popular these days whatever age you are. Friends can also be a good resource, so ask if they know anyone that matches your criteria. Keep safe and have some fun with it.
9. Have some quiet time to focus on what you are feeling and identify if there are any areas that you may need some help. It’s always good to use the time away from your kids to face your emotions and ensure that you are heading in the right direction. There are lots of people that can help you through your Divorce Journey and so make sure you have a good support team around you to cover all your needs.
10. Don’t be hard on yourself. It’s all part of the Divorce Journey. Remember you didn’t start out planning to spend time apart from your kids so it’s natural to find it hard at times. Some days will be easier than others and it can feel like a rollercoaster ride at times. This takes time to come to terms with and get used to. The great news is it will get easier with time and you can speed the process up by using the techniques and strategies above.
Good luck with this and please feel free to drop me a message on FB if you need any more help.