16 Jan “How do I cope with my break up in the early days?”
Break ups can be emotionally overwhelming and extremely painful even if you were the one to end the relationship.
There are a lot of adjustments and changes happening and this can be very frightening when you are unsure of what the future holds. It is completely normal to feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster and experience wide ranging emotions including sadness, loneliness, anger, fear, panic and confusion.
Many people do not have time for all this emotional upset in their busy lives and have to pull themselves together to go to work or to look after their children. They may have positions of responsibility where people look to them for leadership or to care for them. They may have important meetings to attend, difficult decisions to make and long hours to work.
Here are my tips to help you to cope with the early days of your break up so you can operate as best you can. Don’t worry, it will pass and fade even if it doesn’t seem possible right now. Time is a good healer but here are some actions you can take right now to take control of your situation and make it easier for you to cope.
1. Take one day at a time. Some people feel they are standing at the bottom of a huge mountain and have to climb it in one step. There may be lots of changes and adjustments happening but it’s important to take each day as it comes. Take small steps and don’t put pressure on yourself to solve all the issues today. Focus on getting through today as best you can and tomorrow is a fresh start.
2. Get a good team of people around you. This is especially important with a divorce as you will need good legal and also financial advisors to call on as and when you need them. Think carefully about the friends and family you confide in and make sure they have your best interests at heart. Get a good Divorce Coach to help you navigate your divorce journey. Find a good therapist if you feel this would benefit you too. You may find it useful to get an exercise partner as regular exercise will help you keep strong, even if it’s just a brisk walk in the park.
3. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. Avoid negative people as much as possible.
4. Plan your day so you are kept busy. If you are worried about being on your own in the evenings arrange to see friends or join a local club or gym.
5. Don’t be afraid to cry. It is part of your healing process. I have a 5 step plan that takes you through facing your emotions so that you can be strong and ready for work or to look after your kids when you need to. It only takes 20 minutes a day and allows you to acknowledge and release a lot of your negative emotion so that you can start to move forward and heal.
6. Don’t try to answer all the questions in your head at one time. Some you will never be able to answer. Avoid spending time on questions such as “What’s wrong with me?” or “What did I do wrong?”. Instead ask yourself more positively focused questions such as “What can I do right now to help me through this?”
Unfortunately there is no magic wand to take the pain away completely. However if you practice these techniques and use these tips you will be able to cope better and make your journey smoother. Remember however lonely you feel, you are not alone and there are a lot of other people going through similar experiences.